Potatoes. :D

i feel sleepy all the time. esp during lectures.
sometimes im just sleepy and lectures are going so quickly.
didnt catch much of it.
sometimes the lectures like today, is just so slow that im going to fall asleep.

i still dont really like project work or should i say i dont like the physio project group.
they should have taught more instead of us presenting!
sian.
just hope things will go faster and be fine.

hmmm.
something struck me when i was chatting with my friend on msn.
he asked me " you're not joining any cca in uni?"
i said " no. never join any"
and he said " you should join to destress. are you going to just waste your uni life like that? after lesson just go home."

i was so active in sec sch.
but ever since poly, i dont know why i have become a slacker.
when he said that im going to waste my uni life like that,
i was thinking " wah. it means i've already wasted 3 years in poly. now what? another 3 years going to waste again"
i think i just dont know how to keep the balance between playing and school work.
it's either i play very well or i do well for my studies.
i can't seem to be more holistic in all areas.

during my sec sch life,
i worked and trained hard for volleyball.
and yes, i have achieved what i've wanted and what others want but cant achieve.
but during those times,
esp sec 3, my studies was the worse.
i can only like pay attention to one part of my life and thats it.
as for o levels, it's because the trainings has stopped for a long long time and i can fully focus on my exams.
i only do well when i dont play.
just cant have both things together.

and, moving on to poly.
i can say i did fairly well for my studies.
because i dont have any ccas!
so i pay full attention to slacking and my studies.
i realised i also pay more attention to my friends and family as compared to sec sch.
i dont know if this is a good thing but i feel really happy.

now at uni.
really dont know what to do.
most probably is that,
once i adapt to the life in uni, i will start looking for a job.
perhaps giving tuition.
this is to earn my own allowance for school.

i dont know if the problem lies in my mind or is there really something wrong with my capability?

Labels: life, school

done with 2nd week of school.
work load getting heavier.
but im just not doing anything about it.
well well.
i got nothing really much to talk about sch.
because it's just so sian la~

first week of school has ended.
though i had only attended 2 days of lectures,
i can feel the stress in uni alr.

though uni is kinda similar to poly,
i still feel the difference.
the type of environment differs so much from poly.
perhaps i have more friends in poly.
here, everyone has their own friends alr.
still trying so hard to adapt.

so many things i need to try and get used to.
1) the ntu environment - so complicated so many buildings
i kept losing my way. hahahaha

2) the modules - though it's similar to what i've taken, i've havent been studying for so long.
lots of info in my head was already deleted

3) the people around you - i only know a few ppl from my course, the rest are like total strangers. i havent even see my tut class. still thinking how to go around doing projects with them. the cohort is just so big. so different from poly!

4) i think it will be my hostel.
i can tell you that this is what i hated the most.
i seriously regret applying for a hostel to stay in.
why stay there when i got a home.
im still late for lessons when i stay there.
and i cant sleep all night even im so tired.
imagine sleeping only 8 hours for 2 days.
and the wireless connection sucks totally!!!
travelling isnt so bad after all.
i can make up thousand of reasons to not stay there because im really unhappy staying there?
the only problem now is how to tell my room mate about this!
i cant just leave her alone to share the room with a stranger.

it's a big mistake i've made.
find ways to get out of it!

im starting to appreciate the comfort of my house.
i miss home so much!!!
and im back!
somehow, i feel like i dont really want to go back to hostel anymore.
it's like hell for me.
i guess it's a wrong decision i've made.

now im getting headache and backache because i cant sleep well all night.
imagine sleeping only 8 hours in 2 nights.
im so sleepy now. let me talk more about the hostel tml.

Labels: home

here i am now in my hostel alone.
missing my home
missing my sister
missing my bro
missing my mum and dad.
missing my hamster!!
and also missing my bf!!!
feeling so sad anyway. dont know why so emo.
just feel like crying so badly.

in this total new environment,
im so afraid of everything
so afraid of not coping well.
so afraid of being alone here.
so afraid of so many things.

i guess i stay at home too much. too homely.

Labels: hostel

ntu really sucks. Seriously.
i've been waiting for so many days for my hostel room key.
and it is still not ready?
i dont know what the fuck they are doing.
my sch has already started and the person havent even return the key?

the hall office should do something about it.
It's their responsibility right? what's the point of having a office in the hall!
so does it mean the person dont return, i can never check in is it?
how to move in like that?
i mean i can move in. but only my room mate has the key.
our timetable is different okay.
dont tell me i have to wait until she come back then i can open the door?
and the person holding on to the key can still come in because she has the key?
she can steal our things? no offence okay.
anything can happen.

another thing is that, it's the hall who ask me to call them to check whether my keys are ready for collection.
when i call, they are like so unhappy to check?
wah lao. it's not like i never pay the rental or what!
it's the previous resident who didnt return the key!
im just trying to check!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wah lao eh. NTU is seriously fucked up.
dont know why i have so many problems with NTU!!!!!!!!!!
agrhhhhss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha. this is funny.
do not friend your boss on facebook and then bitch about your job!

http://thenextweb.com/2009/08/09/note-friend-boss-fb-bitch-job/

today is the 1st day of school.
and im sick.
2 days mc
ytd my fever keep going up up up to 38.7 and i was so scared
faster take panadol.
and the fever subsided.
now no more fever but my sore throat got worse.
swollen and red.
the tonsils are so big and red now.

now im feeling so tired.
i hope i can faster recover and go to school!
but im still not ready for school yet.
sighs

Labels: sick

oh shit.
im feeling so sick now.
sorethroat. and the phelgm is so yellow and got some blood?
omg.
feeling so nua now.
like totally no strength man.
tml sch going to start. if i like that how?
i got so many things to do today.
and like the past few days, i couldnt get to sleep ytd.
:(

go to hostel mayb worse?
i dont know why im feeling this way.
like so stressed.
so stressed over sch starting i guess?
stressed till i cant sleep.
isomnia everynight.
i slept a abit but felt as though i didnt even sleep.
really feel like dying now because damn alot of things to pack and
stuck with the new laptop settings.
im really going to be CUI soon.

suffering from insomnia?
this had been for almost every nights.
waking up every 2 hours.
and after i wake up, it takes me at least 10 to 30 minutes to fall asleep again.
this is so bad.

yawns......
and last night i woke up at around 5.45. and i only slept after 6.30.
zzzzzzzz

anyway i went to take a look at my hostel room even though my key is not ready!
the person staying before me did not return the key. so i couldnt even check in.
but but, my room mate key is ready.
the room is like total crap.
so damn dusty.
full of lizard shit.
rusty fan.
small bed. i mean the bed is so short!
aiya it's just crap.

my target so far is 2 months. haha.
dont even know can stay till then anot man!

everytime i think of travelling to NTU,
i'll complain non stop.
because it's so damn far.
there is this orientation day this thursday for Bio science freshmen.
i think of reaching there so early i feel so sian!
but to think of it, it's only 1 day.

ok let's see whether i feel good on thurs morning.
lol.

sometimes i just wake up in the morning with a bad mood.
and the rest of my day will end up in bad mood.
i can say that now i'm in a bad mood?
or rather down.

i came across something yesterday.
it says, some people actually lost themselves gradually just because they are trying to please their partners.
they pleased their partners but they themselves are unhappy.
and they do not know why.
this is because you're changing to mould yourself into something or someone your partner wants.
you're trying to avoid all the conflicts with your partner.
however, by doing all these, you're losing yourself.
A form of self rejection.
How do you love someone when you have already rejected yourself?

ask yourself. do you belong to this group?

For me, to a certain extent, i think i belong to this group.
im always unhappy and i often couldnt find a reason.
sometimes i really want to talk to you about it, but i'm just so afraid of ending up with conflicts.
sometimes im so tired of being this way, but i just dont know what to do about it.

I used to be so excited about everything in my life.
Now, i'm just like some useless person. lost in my life.
It's so ironic. I have so many things which others don't.
and I still feel this way?

It's not that i want to compare what other people have.
what i am saying that,
i just hate to feel this way and i cant tell anyone.
because they dont understand it!

I hate changes.
why are there always changes.
why must change be the only constant.
people change and change.
why aren't you the same like when i just met you?

another week has passed.
and next week sch will start.
ah thats fast.

to think of it, i havent really study for almost a year.
remember last year? during september, we were sent to do our internship at various company.
that wasn't studying okay. it was just working.
and from then till now, i had never touch my notes!
now i have to go back to studying again. omg.
my brain is as good as dead now. haha.

so many things not done yet.
and i got a bad feeling that even though im moving into the hostel soon,
i will move out soon. lol.
i just dont know why lar.