Potatoes. :D

wah.
its the end of the 3rd week.
dont know to say if its good or bad la.
always been complaining that the day is very slow during work.
then now 3rd week alr. like so fast huh.

think im adapting now.
just have no idea of what the PI and mentors are always talking about.
very blur.

well.
ytd was a very suay day.
when i wake up, there's thunder.
after a while, it started raining so badly.
so i couldnt walk to the mrt station.
i went to bus stop to take bus to mrt station.
BUT, it rained so heavily.
everyone was crowding at the bus stop for shelter.
waited for more than 10 minutes for bus.
zzzzzz.
those ppl were like opening their umbrella when they board the bus.
they dont get wet.
but other ppl behind them will!!!
then i met amanda in the bus.
so we went to work together.
who knows our train suddenly stop at simei for more than 15 minutes!
then stopped at tanah merah 15 minutes again!
wah lao.
so many ppl late for work.
and we were standing.
by the time, we reached buona vista.
dont know how late alr.

the bus stop at buona vista was even worse.
raining what. then everyone just stood in the shelter to wait for bus.
no space for you to walk.
then when 95 come, wah everyone rush in.
those bangala dont even care one. just rush in like nobody infornt of them.
so damn cold in the bus.
even worse when in TLL.
WE ONLY REACHED TLL at around 9.42am
thats like more than 2 hours since i left my house.
my shoes were so wet.
so smelly also.
no choice must go toilet clean and dry up.

end of my complaints.
haha.

Labels: bus stop, suay

ytd was a last minute thing.
suddenly met up with melissa to go to sentosa for some beach volley.
oh well.
guess we still cannot get used to the very hot sand.
like so many ants biting us.
and there were so many people at siloso beach yesterday.
so many courts. so many people were playing.
we managed to borrow a ball and played for a while.
but guess i couldnt take it.
i got blackout again.
it just keep coming back to me.
i hate it!!!

i dont know what to do to help my situation.
if this continues,
it means i can not play sports anymore?
:(
i was still thinking of joining volleyball in NUS or what.
imagine i play halfway and faint.
sighs.
i really dont know when its going to come or go away.

im scared.
i guess no one will understand all these except myself.

感觉都不再一样了。
什么都变了。
你到底要我怎么办？
我不能哭完了当着没有事发生。
那句话，我一直都会记得的。

Labels: blackout

sometimes i think it doesnt really matter whether i exist anot.
makes no difference la.

just some random thoughts.
forget about it.

im very tired.
its not that kind of physically tired.
mentally.
everyday i go home, i just keep thinking of some stuffs.
its no longer like the past.
really dont know how.

even how upset i am, i will still smile and talk happily with others.
i wont cry.
if i were to cry, i will try and make sure i do that alone.

i dont know why i will type this post out.
i just want somewhere to vent everything out.
but i dont know how to start with it.
i really wished i can just delete or erase it off my mind!!!

even if i were to say it all out,
will you be able to understand?
or rather, will you listen?

你说的话，
就像箭一样，
紧紧插在我心上。

Labels: dont know la

oh man
im at work now.
i got nothing to do today except for safety seminar , eating and send samples upstairs for sequencing!!!
means i come here today to rot!!!!
last fri from 230 i nothing to do until 6
now i whole day nothing to do.
yawnssssssss

didnt turn up for work today.
went to send 姑丈 off for his last journey.

i guess almost everyone cried.
because he's really a nice guy.

姑丈，
我想你也许看得到这一切吧。
谢谢你那么的疼爱我们，
谢谢你所给与我们的帮助，
谢谢你有空就来看我们，
谢谢你对我们的关心，
谢谢你常常因为不好意思而常常买东西给我们，
谢谢你在我们到你家的时候，热心的招待我们，

有很多的谢谢想对你说。
因为你的人太好了，太善良，一视同仁，热心助人，
所以，我们很感谢这些年你给的一切。

希望你能好好地走。
这里不会有似的。
好好地走吧，不要因为担心或舍不得而回头。
我相信你会很好的。
我们会记得你的。

再见了。

just came back from the wake.
tml will be the cremation and stuffs.
sighs. every family has their own problems.
no outsiders can like interfere to help.
it just wont help but add on burden to them sometimes.
i just hope they can settle everything well and live happily.

well.
today very weird.
i have this question in my mind.
dont post it out like cannot like that.
( actually got alot of questions in mind) ahaha.

whenever your hp rings, who do you have in mind that is calling you or messaging you?

hmmm.
im not going to answer the question here.
cause i have the answer already.
just dont know whether the person im thinking of will have me as the answer.

aiya dont know la.
mayb its stupid to think of all these.
aiya girls what. think alot one.
but just dont know why it just hit my mind when i just keep staring at my phone sometimes.
staring at it. waiting for someone to sms me.

well. everyone's answer will be different.

Labels: hp

OH YES!!!!
ITS FRIDAY!
like finally.
1st of week of sip is over!
19 more weeks!!!
must jia you and go on!

still couldnt get used to waking up so early and squeeze the train with people.
like today i didnt get to sit even when im at pasir ris!
so sad. i just stood and closed my eyes.
almost sleep. haha.

arghhs. sip ar sip ar.
scientist life is really boring.
and my mentor really damn funny la sometimes.
he bought this new external hard drive.
then he put it in a ziploc bag.
so i asked him what is it and why keep looking at it.
he said there are ants coming out from it.
he thinks the ants have alr built a nest in it.
and he cant use it.
lol.

okay.
enough of sip.
ytd morning, in the midst of working,
i've received a msg from cheryl.
it says " dear all, our uncle has moved on to another world"
at that moment, i really dont know how to react.
im sad la. but then its like this has been dragging for 1 year plus.
not very shocked. but very depressing.
i hope he had left peacefully.
i heard that he was tearing so much before he closed his eyes.
its because he really cant bear to leave all of us.
but i hope he can leave peacefully with no worries so that he will be happier i guess.

i was already very sad when i went to visit him last week.
mayb its my fault.
didnt visit him a few more times.
i didnt know its so serious.
when i saw him last week,
i couldnt recognise him.
he was so skinny, only left with skin and bones.
he couldnt sit upright. not talking about standing at all.
he couldnt eat much, couldnt drink much.
he become bald.
it really hurt me so badly that i didnt want to look at him much more.
it really feels so bad being there but you cant do anything to help his condition.
sorry. but i really dont know how.

you know mooncake festival is coming?
the past years, he will never fail to buy mooncakes and the pomelo for my family yo eat.
every year, he'll do that.
we'll be so happy to see him coming to our house to visit us.
but this year. :(
he cant do it anymore.
cant see him sitting there playing mahjong during new year anymore.
oh yah. new year he will always buy alot of food for us.
every single year he'll do that.
cause he really dotes on me and my siblings alot.

and sometimes when he pass by to get fruits from central,
he will come to my house.
just to bai bai for my ah ma.

whenever he visit my house, and just when im around.
he will talk to me. asked me about my studies.
alot of things.

he never fails to give us his helping hand when we didnt ask.
during my ah ma funeral, he was the one who helped out alot.
help to settle many things. if not we will be all very blur.

he also never remarry eversince his wife have passed away.
12 years already. the next tues will be my aunt ( his wife) 12th death anniversary.
now he had left with her.
he's a great man.
i sincerely hope that he will be happier there.
at least there will be no more physical suffering for him anymore.

i realised that when im typing all these out.
images of him keept running through my mind.
i can still imagine him coming into my house.
talking to us.
i know it will never happen anymore
but i will always rmb him.

i have to stop blogging now.
if not i just cant stop tearing.

Labels: fridays, sadded, uncle

oh man
im like so sleepy now!!!!
its the 2nd day of sip
i shall not complain so much of the location.
haha. got ppl at jurong island leh.

okay let me talk about 1st day.
managed to wake up quite early then rush to bedok to meet hc.
then went buona vista via mrt and meet the rest there.
was shocked la.
i tot i stay pasir ris sure have seats to sit.
but ppl from other ppl take the train to pasir ris so they got place to sit.
then we all no space to sit.
zzzzzz
then another thing is so many ppl are working at buona vista!
so many ppl rushing up to bus.
we managed to reach TLL at 9 like that.
the HR in charge like so late then come.
10 plus
then we watched video on saftey and its about 11am.
then we got allocated to our department.

for me im at germ line biology.
my supervisor is a japanese.
and i got a mentor, a china man.
at first, had some difficulties understanding their english.
must pay alot of attention then can hear properly.
did alot of reading ytd.
did pcr.
alot of things to do in lab
do until really can zzzzzzzz.

and ytd i didnt know that the shuttle bus left so early.
then was thinking if the rest havent finish.
by the rest when i go down, i missed the shuttle bus.
no choice. can only take NUS internal A2 shuttle bus.
its a long way out la.
then take 95.
SO LONG AND JAMMED SOMEMORE!!!
no choice they have very little shuttle bus.

this morning.
we all managed to catch the shuttle bus at buona vista to TLL at 815
arghhs. its so much faster than taking 95 and shuttle bus!!!
cant imagine what if i missed the morning shuttle bus.
aiya if i got OT, i might have to go home late. no more shuttle bus.

okay today did quite alot of things.
prepared agarose gel, run gel electrophoresis for PCR analysis.
then i did minipret, sequencing.
wah alot of things to write down.

i think these few days, the things i learn is more than what i learnt in school.
as in practical skills.

oh man. and one thing really bad is
when you are going for lunch.
you have to walk really far!!!
and NUS got so many slopes around.
i almost died today from climbing back.
lol.
my mentor brought me to so far to eat and so many people!!!
and still climb back.
can die.

i want to use the com to watch my videos
hotshot and moonlight resonance!!!!!
come back home so late liao.
sis use com dont know until what time ( now im using laptop okay)
and down there, we can use com but so many sites are banned.
so sad.
and cant imagine what if i kena caught slacking.

hais.
enough of my complaints.
i need to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Labels: boring life, ke lian, sip

im going to TLL with 9 other coursemates including HC!
haha.
my supervisor is a japanese.
i'll get to see her on monday.
well. alot of ppl kena internship at jurong island.
so damn far la.
but no choice.
all the science related jobs are all located at western part of sg.

sighs.
5 months. how to pass.
really hope my supervisor is really good.
arghhs.
tml will be the last day that i can wake up so late.
monday think have to at least wake up at 6 lo.
arghhs. very sian la.

later going to visit my uncle.
his cancer is spreading all over his body.
situation now is very bad.
i rmb my aunt ( his wife ) and him used to dote me alot.
but my aunt passed away when im p1 because of cancer.
now he's also going leave us.
he's such a kind soul. always giving his helping hand to others.
and now he's getting this kind of treatment.
really dont understand why.

i think time to time,
some ppl take others for granted.
just because they are very nice, giving others their trust so easily, helping others no matter what. they are not doing these for any motive but as a friend!
but this doesnt mean that they should be made use of or taken advantage of.
just dont understand why some ppl can actually make use of a friend like this.
getting her to help them do things.
but in the end back stabbing her.
what did she do to hurt you all?

aiya i guess in this world, they are all kinds of ppl.
just no choice.
i always believe that in this world,
there's something called retribution.
im not saying i always do good things.
but sometimes i tot of retribution,
i'll get try and repent.

Labels: bbq, internship, karma, people, retribution

ahhh
im so tired!!
because of napfa test.
haha i think im a joke.
i laughed at myself.
for the 4 years for my sec sch life, i got gold for napfa.
for today, i've failed my napfa test!!

really a joke la.
but then, im lucky that i didnt faint or get any blackout today man.
imagine i faint.
oh then i have to come another day for napfa!
i laughed when im at home.
when i first logged on msn,
meiyee talked to me. i was telling her that im dying blah blah blah because of napfa.
then i told her i think i failed because my 2.4km run was really bad.
she told me she can run faster than me! and why i've become so weak.

the same question was posted to me when melissa talked to me on msn.
she asked me why i've become so weak after i told her about my 2.4km run.
hahahahaha.
i guess my health's really bad somehow.
more tonic please. hahahahahaha
but well, at least napfa test is over!!!!!

arghhs
i just received an email about my internship.
i think its confirmed that i'll be at TLL?
cause they actually email me to ask me to send in my ic either in scanned form this friday or next monday with a photocopy of it!
my god.
i dont know how to be happy or sad about it.
basically,
i like to study science alot.
as in the mechanisms and stuffs like that.
how this virus cause disease in human and why why why?
but i think i dont really like lab alot except for mct lab.
the rest of the labs are quite boring.
you keep pipetting here and there.
then everyone's rushing!! sometimes not even listening to lecturers!
because they want get it done with the lab fast and leave the lab early!
no one wants to stay in the lab!
hhahaha.

i cant imagine myself in labs for 5 months.
how boring can it be.
arghhs.
please save me.
and another thing is that i think hc is not selected. :(
we submited the form together without ic.
how come he didnt receive the email!
gosh. really sad about it.
thought he could get into it too.
i dont know why im quite sad over it.
sighs....
how! at least i tot i have someone to go to work with me.
now im alone!

you know i always tot that hc and me facing each other in class everyday is alr very sian sometimes?
but i still want to see him everyday!
i dont know why!!!
now going for attachment soon.
i wonder how im going to bear with all these!
at least if i get to go to work with him,
i'll be happier even if we work different department.
at least i get to see him.
now i dont know :(

:(

sadded

Labels: help me, internship, napfa, sadded

okay.
just another post.

depression,
is a mental disorder characterized by a pervasive low mood and loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities ( from wikipedia)

sometimes you dont even know if you have got this disorder.
well. i guess i got it before.
there are times when i couldnt stop crying.
but okay. after each time i cry, i guess im stronger.
I HOPE SO.
haha

its great to have people around you, giving you encouragement to make you feel better and stronger.
however, people like your friends and family wont be with you forever.
thats quite a sad thing to say.
they have their own life too.
they'll be busy, tired and so many things to bother about.
will they be bothered by you?
yes or no, i dont know.
many times, one has to face problems alone.
friends cant help even if they want too.
they are not you! cant feel what you're facing and feeling.
i think that one can only 靠自己.
only rely and depend on yourself if possible.

yeah.
i admit that i do keep things to myself sometimes.
not always.
sometimes i will type it out in my blog.
and as i type or write i'll like cry?
but after that, i tell myself this will be the last time im going to talk about this matter.
all that, i wont think about it and i must stop crying because life has to go on!
somehow i feel better.

and i rmb shuhui teaching me a method.
she asked me to type everything i have done in microsoft word.
then cry i think.
then after that i have to go and open that document.
then read what i have type and laugh over the stupid things i have done.
then delete the file.
thats it!

i thought its a rather good idea if one doesnt want to share with anyone what had happened.
haha.

Labels: depression, people, you

holidays.
my life has been so mundane.
zzzzzzz
i have been sleeping my life away.
sighs.

like kind of lost for some moments.
but its okay.
its not the first time im feeling this way.
have been thinking quite alot lately.
but wont pen down my thoughts yet.
have to get them organised first. haha.

but there's one thing.
i realised im not as motivated as what i was or used to be.
i could work so hard for the things i want.
now, even if i want it, its like i wont fight for it.
my mindset become " if dont get it then its okay"
i will just feel sad for quite some time and not do anything.
sometimes im just being too complacent i guess.

the only thing i can do now is mayb to get myself some aims or goals to achieve.
well. this is easier to be said than doing.
oh well. i dont really know how to go about setting goals.
you see, when you set goals which are too high that no one can reach ( mayb like you want to be the richest person in this world or you want to get that star in the sky)
you'll start thinking " how to achieve such things?! its like almost impossible"
its like some goals are so unrealistic that you wont get motivated to do anything about it.

and, okay if you set goals so low, lower what you can do.
its like so easy and so complacent.
one may think " oh man. its so easy. i can take my time"
in this way, there's no way to get one motivated.
even if the goal is being achieved, i guess there's no sense of achievements at all.

so,
how to set appropiate goals?
haha i guess i need to learn.
set goals which are a little harder or difficult to achieve of what im able to do so now.

Labels: alone, goals, independent