Potatoes. :D

sick sick sick
i am sick again.
hate this feeling man.
didnt go to sch this morning.
was feeling so weak.
so slept and slept
then in the afternoon went to sch to attend oc and hap lectures
then did oc quiz.
hope i'll do well.
im now sneezing like hell.
so pek chek with myself.

i think im struggling within myself.
what i did,my thoughts, my conscience and every other thing.
got lots of thoughts stirring in my head..
sometimes i know its not right to say or do somethings,
but i still said or did it.
i knew it might hurt somebody. but i still did it.
sometimes i really hate myself for that.
my conscience's telling me to stop doing it.
sometimes i just hate my mouth.
i dont think before i say.
my mouth will just blabber all craps.
anything is that,
sometimes i seem to have prejudice against some people,
and i'll start acting hostile and bo chap towards them.
it's not like that they've done something wrong..
but i just feel this way.
why why why.
am i jealous? am i fear of losing my everything?
i dont know!
i just know that its not right.
its really not right.. they have done nothing wrong,
why cant i just accept them for what they are..
i dont want to treat them like that,
but why do i treat them this way?
my actions are contradicting all my thought and the way i want things to happen.
i hate this feeling.
my conscience's telling me that i've done so many things wrongly
i feel so bad.
full of guilt.
sometimes i really hate myself for all these..
its all my fault my fault..

sorry to those i have hurted or those bu shuang with me.
i really dont know whats happening in me.

as you can see from the pics,
there's so many people outside esplanade last night.

a video of the fireworks last night.
very blur la. cause my cam was lousy.

happy bday singapore.
went to kbox at marina square with friends after sch yesterday.
then went to see fireworks.quite nice.
super alot of people.
kinda feeling blur and lost.
just follow friends and anyhow walk.
so many people.my mind is all about you.
i had a feeling you were among the crowd.
i kept looking for you
but why cant i see you..
today you told me you were really there last night.
are we really like 2 parrallel lines..
not met to meet?
i hope NO.

drowning myself in books and notes and books and notes again is great.
at least i wont think so much.
last night even slept with notes on my face.
woke up with ink on my face.
feel so stupid. thought somebody drew on my face.
almost screamed.
hmm today just keep studying and watching movies.
but all of the sudden,
i kinda feel the sorrow in my heart.
why do i feel this way?
havent i forgotten everything?
iguessistilllove11.